Yes, You Both Have a Past

Stepping stones to a strong second marriage….
I think one of the things that is so important is to realize you both have a past. In our own life, our first marriages lasted many years. With that comes a lot of memories. We must realize we are not in competition with that past. To the spouse– it’s okay to talk about the past life. Now we don’t camp there but to forbid or even resent it would not be proper nor realistic and certainly not fair.  We wouldn’t be where we are without our past. I remember we had a conversation that let each other off the hook before we got married. We apologized ahead of time if we “slipped” and called the other person the “other” name. It was bound to happen after 66 years of marriage between us. It hasn’t happened often but we decided ahead of time that we would disarm the enemy before he pulled out that weapon. Every time it has happened, we laugh and hug one another, disarm the enemy all over again and remind each other of how we love each other and appreciate the other. The funniest story thus far about that is when we were in the airport in India waiting to come home from a mission trip and one of us in the course of conversation said the “other” name to the other. The spouse just laughed and said yes and used their “other name” to that spouse. It was said out of habit and we laughed and laughed about it and still laugh about it to this day. You see, we didn’t take offense. In second marriage, both spouses must realize there is a past and we are not in competition with that past. Comparing yourself to the former spouse is a dangerous thing and will get you into troubled waters. Don’t compete and don’t feel threatened. God didn’t call you to be like the former spouse. God called you to be who He called you to be. Don’t try to be someone else. You may not have been the first choice for your spouse, but you are God’s chosen…. which is always best choice.
Just a stepping stone for building  your second strong marriage….
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